ToddHDow Studios

Tag: love

  • AGAPE – unconditional love

    Part four of my five part series entitled “Who Do You Love?”

    Lucky for us, we have a third kind of love, agape. This is the kind of love that allows for reunions with loved ones in the future. God’s saving grace ensures that we will see our loved ones again in heaven.

    This is the love that God has offered us. It is divine love, which is an unconditional love. It has no strings. It expects nothing in return. It does not need love in return. It is simply love freely given. Agape is the word for love that is used over and over again in the New Testament. Whereas eros is worldly or material in nature, agape is divinely inspired and powered by faith.

    To explain it quite simply, agape is unconditional love.

    Agape is based on Jesus’ sacrifice and our acceptance of this through faith. Agape comes to us from God. God wraps himself around us in his cloak of loving fatherhood. It is an intimate individual relationship with each one of us. God’s love is unconditional. It is eternal. Love, to God, should be given to everyone in equal and universal measure.

    God’s love is meant for everyone. Remember Jesus’ words:

    Mark 12:30-31 – the greatest commandment:

    “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

    Loving the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind and strength transcends the physical nature of eros and the fleeting nature of Philia. Agape absorbs both of these forms of love and it builds on them, pushing for a complete, selfless, unconditional form of love that should be freely given to everyone.

    This kind of love doesn’t keep score. It doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t check to see if the recipient is popular, cool, smart or funny. Agape is meant for everyone. I’m glad for this kind of love because I’m not popular, cool, smart or funny.

    Paul’s order, in 1 John 4 is as follows:

    Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God, but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

    We are to love one another in the same way that God loves us. This isn’t just a physical form of love or a form of love based on shared benefits. It is a love based on pureness of intention and a caring and unselfish spirit.

    Let’s look at this in a bit more detail:

    Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
    Love comes from God. This love is divine love. Everyone who experiences love expresses it in a way that is pleasing to God. And, because you love, you also relate with God, because you’re sharing the essence of God. You can’t give what God gave you without interacting with God.

    And further, if you don’t love, then you couldn’t possibly know God, because God is about love. And if you’re not sharing love, then you’re not right with God.

    This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

    Alright… so, you want to know what love is? Well, here’s how God showed his love to us. He sacrificed his one and only son so that we might live through him. This selfless sacrifice for the betterment of us is what love is about. Love is selfless. It is unconditional. It applies to each and every one of us. God doesn’t expect something from us first. He gave it to us. Free of charge. All we’ve got to do is reach out and accept it. What a wonderful gift God has given us.

    Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God, but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

    And finally, because God loved us, then we must pass this on to others. We are obligated to share this gift from God. We can’t just keep it to ourselves. We must get out there and spread this selfless, unconditional love that comes from God with who? With everybody else.

    And when we share this love with others, God appears. God is with us when we love those around us. In loving one another, we become God’s agents, effectively saying hi for God to those that need it.

    I think that’s incredible. When we love our neighbour, we are giving them a glimpse of the divine love of our creator.

    But who should we love? Should we love those people that fall under the category of “Philia”? Is it enough to love our family, friends and co-workers? Or is there more to it than that?

    Jesus said it is easy to love those that love you:
    Matthew 6:43-45:

    You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbour and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven;

    Matthew 6:46-47:

    For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers and sisters, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

    But… is this possible? Are we able to love those that are against us? This is where the challenge comes in. Agape isn’t easy. It isn’t fair weather love. It doesn’t come and go as your feelings change. Agape is unconditional. It doesn’t judge. It doesn’t categorize people into lists of cool, smart, popular or funny. Agape is consistent with all people. It provides dignity, respect and compassion to everyone. This is what God asks of us.

    Coming up next: Part 5: How do we provide unconditional love?

  • PHILIA – friendship love

    Part three of my five part series entitled “Who Do You Love?”

    Now philia, while similar to eros, does not contain within it the features of desire or passion that eros is famous for. Philia is the kind of love that we have towards family, friends and neighbours.

    Philia is the kind of love described by:

    I love my mom.
    I love hanging out with my friends at school.
    I love playing football with my friends.

    And, unless I misunderstood this quote, like this:

    Friend 1: “heyyyyy <insert friend name here>
    i love you toooooo!!! ?”
    Friend 2: “no im pretty sure that
    I ? YOU MOREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

    Philia entails a fondness and appreciation of the other. Philia is the kind of love that is shared between people who like and appreciate one another.

    Philia is about maintaining right relationships with those within your immediate circle. Family tends to be closest in this circle. Next, we have close friends and those that we have shared experiences with. Work friends can sometimes be part of this group as well. The underlying principle here is that these are people that you wish to keep close, those that you wish to remain loyal to.

    This type of love tends to be motivated because the friendship is beneficial to one or both of the people involved. In the case of family, there is a distinct bond there between parents and children, brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers. It is beneficial to love one another as this results in a stronger family unit. There are times as teenagers that we might not like our parents, but there is a sense of obligation and loyalty to a parent that keeps our love alive for our parents.

    With friends, there tends to be an advantage to keeping those friends and for feeling a sense of affection towards those friends. In many cases, when a friendship breaks down, it is caused by differences of opinion or interests. The benefits of remaining friends leaves and the relationship tends to stagnate. Like a flower that is left untended, it withers and dies.

    Relationships with co-workers fall into this category as well. Many times, we don’t get to choose our co-workers, but harmony in the workplace goes a long way to making it more enjoyable. Thus, we have a vested interest in getting along with our co-workers. Thus, good business relationships tend to be one the benefits that come from getting along with one another.

    Philia is the kind of love that many of us are most familiar with, as it is the kind of love that most of exercise most often. We interact on a daily basis with our family and friends. We appreciate those that are close to us. We interact with one another and we share the love. It’s important to do this. In fact, some of us don’t do this enough. We should do more of this. It’s important to spend time with family and friends.

    About six or eight months ago, my father was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia. Based on the research that we’ve done and what the doctor’s told us, this condition will likely be fatal. The questions that can’t be accurately answered are:

    • How will this impact my dad; and
    • What sort of timelines should we expect;

    It’s hard. Not knowing is extremely difficult. But I tell you, it’s made my love for my father much more vivid. For me, it has stirred up my love for my father in such a vibrant and urgent way. And, for those that have experience with these kinds of emotions, I’m sure you’ll be able to relate: These feelings of love that I feel are at least partly due to my selfish emotions. I don’t want to lose my dad. I want him to be with me always. I don’t want to lose him, or anyone else that I value in my life.

    Coming up next: Part 4: AGAPE – unconditional love

  • EROS – romantic love

    Part two of my five part series entitled “Who Do You Love?”

    Eros is definitely the “I love the way he looks in a bathing suit” kind of love. Eros is the desiring and passionate kind of love. It’s about sparks flying and heart rates going up. In a marriage relationship, eros can be a fantastic and beautiful thing.

    The ancient Greeks described eros as that love between a man and a woman which is neither planned nor willed. Put another way, the Greeks saw eros as something uncontrollable. Eros is considered to be the most primitive kind of love. Because of its primitive nature, it can be seen as imperfect and misguided at times. It’s been compared to the instincts of an animal. It’s the type of instinct that we see all around us in popular culture today. People excuse their desires as something that is outside of their control. People blame everything else for their lack of willpower.

    A well known evangelical Christian in the US was recently in the papers for his inability to control his desires. Ted Haggard is a married man and he came under fire for his extra-marital sexual encounters. This has been a difficult time for Ted Haggard. His family has suffered, and I’m sure still suffers today, from this difficult situation. The activity at the root of this is an example of eros, this passionate, desirable type of love.

    The problem with eros is that it can sometimes be irrational. It can be destructive when pursued without considering the consequences.

    Additionally, eros can be fleeting. Physical pleasures don’t last forever. We all age. Our emotions change over time. There is something impermanent about eros. Even though eros has a beautiful and seductive side to it, it doesn’t last forever.

    But most importantly, we need to consider what eros represents. Desire and passion is about what we want. It is a selfish emotion based on our own wants and needs. In today’s day and age, people tend to confuse sex and love. No more are relationships about loving that other person. Love is confused with lust. In these situations, people turn into objects of affection. Men and women become objects of affection instead of individuals that have feelings, emotions, wants and needs.

    When we replace love with lust, we run the risk of wanting someone, in much the same way that we might want a car, or a new cell phone or maybe even concert tickets. Do we really love people in the same way that we drool over the latest gadget?

    With eros, the important building blocks of good community are forgotten. In eros, the relationship is built on the phrase, “What’s in it for me?” At its base, eros, as the most primitive form of love, is considered to be self-serving and selfish.

    Coming up next: Part 3: Philia – friendship love

  • Who Do You Love?

    In this five part series, I’ll be posting a recent sermon that I delivered entitled “Who Do You Love?”.

    In Him,

    Todd Dow

    Title: Who Do You Love?
    Key Verses: 1 John 4:7-12

    1 John 4:7-12:

    Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who
    loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not
    know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He
    sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is
    love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning
    sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love
    one another. No one has ever seen God, but if we love one another, God lives in
    us and his love is made complete in us.

    Part 1: Introduction

    Most of you know me as the resident student minister. But I lead a double life. During the week, I work full time as part of the team that manages a website called Canada.com. One of the coolest parts of my job is developing the community tools for the Canada.com network. We’ve got a site called communities.canada.com and it is all about building relationships, communicating with people, sharing pictures and generally having a good time. These types of sites are quite popular on the Internet. These community sites are referred to as “social networking sites”, which is a fancy way of saying “community building”. They foster a lot of great discussion and a lot of relationship building. I have a lot of friends that I have never met in person, thanks to the Internet. And, I have also been able to reconnect with a lot of friends that I haven’t talked to in years, thanks to the Internet.

    Speaking of social networking sites, who has heard of Facebook? I have an account on Facebook. Facebook is all the rage with the kids nowadays. Facebook is one of these “social networking sites”. The thing that I find great with Facebook is that it allows so many people to communicate in such a convenient way. Facebook has this thing called a “Friend List” and it keeps track of how many people have granted you permission to have their name on your “Friend List”. It’s absolutely phenomenal how this feature has led to such incredible growth for Facebook, the company. Think about it: people love to collect things, and what better things to collect than friends! It’s brilliant.

    And recently, Facebook has come out with some new features. One of the new features is a thing called “Top Friends”, which allows you to sub-categorize your friends a little further. Now, you’ve got your main friends list, but you can also give special status to some of those friends as “Favourites”. By the way, for those that have already sent me a notification that I’m on your “Top Friends” list, thank you. I really appreciate it. And, not only can I be categorized within my friends lists, but my friends can also give details about how we know one another. Some of my friends have said that we know each other through work, others through school and others from way back in high school and elementary school.

    It’s great. In this one place, I can get a list of all of the people that I’ve connected with online and I can see where I know them from, how long I’ve known them and what they’re up to now. It makes keeping in touch so easy. It’s been great for me, having a 21 month old and a newborn at home. As those of you that are parents can agree, new parents don’t have a lot of free time for socializing. Facebook’s allowed me to keep in touch with my friends and it’s given me the chance to reconnect with old friends.

    One of the great things that I see going on across Facebook is all of the love that is shared. Here’s one exchange that I saw between one of my friends, and one of their friends on Facebook:

    Friend 1: “heyyyyy <insert friend name here>

    i love you toooooo!!! ♥”

    Friend 2: “no im pretty sure that

    I ♥ YOU MOREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

    It’s great to see so much love, don’t you think?

     

    I find it fabulous. And seriously… the Internet has given us the opportunity to build such vibrant online communities that we can participate in. It’s made our communities larger, more diverse and easier to keep in touch with. I have seen countless examples of people sharing their love with one another online. And whether we’re online or offline, it’s easy to find examples of many different kinds of love that can be experienced.

     

    How many of you feel love in a given day? I bet you’re wondering, well… I think I feel love, but is what I’m feeling really love? Let’s take a look at some examples…

     

    I love my mom.

    I love hanging out with my friends at school.

    I love playing football with my friends.

    I love the way he looks in a bathing suit.

    I love him as a person, even though nobody else likes him.

    I love Hank even though he is homeless and others don’t want to be around him.

     

    And we can’t forget about this kind of love:

    Friend 1: “heyyyyy <insert friend name here>

    i love you toooooo!!! ♥”

     

    Friend 2: “no im pretty sure that

    I ♥ YOU MOREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

    You can’t tell me that these are all the same kinds of love. And you’re right. When we talk about love, there are many different ways of thinking about love. There are many different categories of love, shall we say. Philosophers and theologians have thought long and hard about the different kinds of love and here’s what the best and brightest thinkers could come up with:

    When we look at these kinds of love, we can break them into three basic categories:

    1. Eros = romantic love
    2. Philia = friendship & family love
    3. Agape = divine love

    So, let’s take a look at each one of these in turn.

    Coming up next: Part 2: EROS – romantic love

  • The offensiveness of Sam Harris

    This is likely to be the first of many posts in which I will criticize the atheistic worldview provided by Sam Harris. Harris is the author of two recent books:

    Letter to a Christian Nation and End Of Faith

    In a recent article in Newsweek, A Dissent: The Case Against Faith, Harris offers some interesting insights into Christianity.

    He mocks the faith of Christian believers by questioning some of the prophecy offered in the Bible. He calls it embarrassing. And he refers to the Christianity of his targets as nihilistic. Although he doesn’t cite any specific ministers in his article, I am sure that he can find some examples of Christian representatives that could back up his opinion. But that’s about as far as I think he could go with that… I think he would be hard pressed to find many Christians that loathe their current lives and that are just sitting waiting to die. In fact, I see plenty of activity coming from Christian Churches to help people live a better life in the here and now. That certainly goes against Harris’ claim, which he makes sound like a generalization, that Christians can hardly wait for the end times. Harris argues, “It should be clear that this faith-based nihilism provides its adherents with absolutely no incentive to build a sustainable civilization—economically, environmentally or geopolitically.” Last time I checked, there are numerous Christian individuals, congregations and organizations that are dedicating their time to doing just what Harris says Christians aren’t doing… namely, helping the poor, the sick and the downtrodden. This equalization of the economic masses doesn’t necessarily follow the typical capitalistic ethic, but it does not sound like the actions of a nihilistic end-of-world fanatic to me.

    Harris goes on to argue that “religious people will devote immense energy to so-called moral problems—such as gay marriage—where no real suffering is at issue, and they will happily contribute to the surplus of human misery if it serves their religious beliefs.” He then uses the example of stem cell research to back up his claim. His argument is frightening. In a nutshell, Harris diminishes the value of the beginning of human life, suggesting that early embryonic development does not necessarily constitute human life. His oversimplification of this debate is astounding. He criticizes Bush’s decision to veto stem cell research as a simple faith-based decision not to jeopardize the life of these early “souls”. Yet, Harris doesn’t feel the need to address the larger issue at all.

    The bigger picture around this whole debate is around the value of human life in general and where one should draw the line when considering medical advances. One recent discussion I read (sorry… the source isn’t readily available to me, but I’m sure a quick google search would provide plenty of hits) tries to debate when a human fetus begins to feel pain and thus, which abortive techniques to use to minimize the suffering of a human fetus. Crazy… In this argument, there’s a clear recognition that a fetus does feel pain at some point, and that scientifically, it is important to determine the boundary around which that pain development occurs. Yet, no absolute method currently exists to identify when exactly a fetus does experience pain. Similarly, some have argued that a fetus can be aborted up until the point in time when it could be viable outside of the womb. That particular point in time is different for each fetus as well.

    So the question becomes: at what point does a collection of cells become a human being. I don’t know about you, but I learned fairly early on that new life occurs when an egg is fertilized. I remember in elementary school watching a plant grow out of a small bean tucked against a glass with wet paper towel keeping it pressed against the glass. elementary school. Call me crazy, but would it have been ignorant or, to use Harris’ word, “embarrassing” to look at that sprouting bean and say it wasn’t a plant?
    Would it be any less trivial to look at a newly fetus and say it wasn’t a person? Tell me Sam, at what point does a person not become a person? And how does that differ from a seed that has been germinated? The signs of new life are there, regardless of the current form.

    Or maybe I’ve misunderstood… maybe it isn’t about this argument at all. Maybe it’s simply a utilitarian argument: we’ll use the weak for the betterment of society as a whole. In that case, how do you measure the worth of a newly germinated person, a fetus, a baby, a young child, a handicapped person, etc. against the worth of someone else in need of medical assistance? Are you suggesting that the murder of a few is worthwhile for the benefit of the many? In that case, would you be willing to sacrifice your life for “donate your body to science day” today so that the rest of society could benefit from the medical research that *might* result from your body? You’ve already told us that
    Where do you draw the line, Mr Harris? And, who decides the worthy and the unworthy in this decision? I’m listening for your enlightened response, Mr Harris. Where is your “genuine wisdom and compassion” that you complain that religious dogmatism lacks?

    The most curious part to me is the broad brush that Harris uses to paint Christianity. He generalizes, yet again, by arguing that Christians “safely enjoy a sacred genocide that will inaugurate the end of human history”. Yes, the Christian faith does look forward to the coming age of the Kingdom of God. But that doesn’t mean that we all look forward to fighting in the name of Jesus. Yes, some, maybe even many, Christians look to violence to solve their problems, but violence is far from the core message that Jesus offers in the New Testament. A better critique would be to suggest that Christians, in warfare, are going against Jesus’ expectations and that perhaps warfare should be reconsidered as an appropriate Christian response.

    I find it as repulsive as Harris does that religion should lead to violence. But doing away with religion entirely will not get rid of the violence. If anything, trying to focus on the core message of Jesus (peace and love) would be a more appropriate response.

    Consider Harris’ closing statement: “In a world brimming with increasingly destructive technology, our infatuation with religious myths now poses a tremendous danger. And it is not a danger for which more religious faith is a remedy.”

    I agree with the increasingly destructive technology, but I do not agree with the solution offered. I think that religious faith can be an important tool for reconciliation and peace. Consider the work of Jimmy Carter, the Mennonite Church, Christian Peacemakers, etc. in trying to make a difference even in the face of great danger.

    In any event… I’m sure I’ll have more to say later. I think I’ve said enough for one night. Don’t take my word for this though. Do read Sam Harris. And I’m sure you’ll come to the same conclusions I’ve drawn. His arguments are shallow, lacking in compassion and short on wisdom.

    Todd Dow

    Additional links pertaining to this entry:

    Pro Sam Harris: The Atheist Manifestos I: Letter to a Christian Nation (2006)

    Con Sam Harris: Letters: Morality and AIDS, Turkey and the EU, America’s vote

    And I’m sure there are plenty of others… these are just two examples.